24 February 2011



So my last post was in JUNE of LAST YEAR. Sheesh. I'm not going to apologize- life is what happens while you're making other plans- but for my next trick, I'm going to try to be better about updating and writing and reading and being an adult and being a better friend and listener and lover and...

Amended: I'm going to try to be a better blogger. BABY STEPS. Especially since I have the Oscars this weekend. Fashion blogging makes me happy.

Anyhow- I've got a big birthday coming up and a friend of mine reminded me of my birthday post from last year. Which I re-read. And made me cry. Because for all of the things that I said I wanted some progress on, I've only gotten to a few. But a few is better than none, right? Let's recap:

1) I'm single.
2) I'm a non-smoking superstar (2+ weeks but I feel like this one's going to take- I've had few cravings, haven't fallen off the wagon at all, and generally have a distaste for smoking ever again. Come find me in a year)
3) I'm 45 pounds lighter, primarily due to not taking care of oneself, burning the candle at both ends and see #1.

However, the job thing still looms...grrr. And I'm still not entirely certain about the long term stuff- kids, family, etc. BABY STEPS. I will say that since October, this is the most forward progress I've had in a long time. Part of that is going through a breakup and its way of changing the focus just enough to see other things fall away or some come into sharper relief. Part of it is just realizing that small changes are just as important as the big ones and a collection of small changes can LOOK like big change, making you more fearless for the next steps. It is equal parts mindfuck and brainwashing I think. It's very The Little Engine That Could over in this piece.

With the weight loss piece, now I have to say that it's becoming a bit of an obsession, if only because for the first time in nearly 10 years, I'm consistently wearing misses' pants and am not sized out of most traditional stores. I spent time yesterday trying so many things on and while I didn't love the way everything looked, everything I tried on FIT. And in some cases, I had to go down a size to get a better fit. Be still my heart. I need to start doing a lot more strength training for a number of reasons, but I must say that it's been a pleasure to see people I haven't seen in a long time and have them express shock over my current appearance. Not bad at all.

Anyhow 30. Yep. A new way to feel old and unaccomplished. Or, as I see it, a big fat cosmic dare. We'll have to see how this pans out...